whose world is it anyway?
by BlacksunRising
Summary: Throw in dance moves, Rukia, crap music, chaos, Karakura,fights, jealousy, manipulation, Ichigo, mentally unstable singers, hair, a concert,awesome sauce,  a hollow or two! what do you get? world Domination mwahahahahahahaha! ichiruki! a parody of sorts
1. part one  A taste of the psychotic

Rukia sits on the computer chair and reaches for the laptop Ichigo got her, okay the one she stole from him, it was all technicalities anyway. Its 7 clock in the evening and she has just arrived from the mall.

The girls were browsing through store and spent about an hour in the music store listening to different genres, now Rukia, only breed from classical music entertained by the nobles in soul society was hesitant to listen to all the pop crap that was out and popular these days. Yuzu convinced her to give a listen to one musician, this Dustin Dweber* from canada, she said he is really good in that solo boy band way, to which Karin snorted commenting that the day she became a fan of this Dewber person was the day she quit soccer and became a self procliamed Britney impersonator.

Rukia chuckled lightly at this, she didnt know who Britney was but from what she heard of from Ichigo, he compared her music to hollow screeching with the under tone of Aizen blarbering off about his godzeness ness ness...

Anyway, she listened to Baby* for about 60 secs and she became hooked, it was kinda catchy, which she immediately suspected, the catchyness and the hookedness, meaning who just like that likes a song? unless of course they were brainwashing you through the media, under the false pretense of music,with plans of taking over the world and ensalving billions of teenagers and pre teens over the world! and only rebel people who listen to rock music and arent pop scence teens form an underground revolution with slogans like fuck u and and and... are saved from ensalvement!

after three more songs, the girls left.

She types his name in and searches for more songs to listen to, when she sees a pop up indicating that the singer would be in town for an impromptu tour because his hommie, _whatever that is_, had an aunt whose second cousins daughters uncle,s girlfriends younger brother was japanese and lived in the area so Dewber and his posse, _again a strange slang term_, its sounds like possum, which is an animal, a rat like animal; who would want to be associated with a rat like animal named posse? she asks this out loud just as Ichigo walks in, he gives her a weird look, he thinks shes gone mad, to which she says "whats wrong ma hommie?", his face scrunches up even more. "yo you lookin' constipated ma home slice" now he lets out a funny sound, a cross between a laughing whale and a confused rabbit. Figure out what they sound like yourselves.. no seriously...

'whats with the slang talk, are you watching bad american movies again? i told you they are just a bunch of posers"

"na, just trying something new, you dont have to laugh at me, remember i always have unneccessary neccessary violence on my side.."

"che, "

"baka, you heard of Dustin Dweber?"

to which Ichigo gags, a manly gag...

"you mean the solo version of the jonas brothers revamped"

"i believe the saying was the solo boy band version" Rukia suggested

"your point?" Ichigo countered. he is still not sure where the midgit is going with this...

"his having a concert tomorrow for his possum possy, wanna go" so thats where she's going with this and apparently his going too..

"you know Rukia that statement has so many ways to sick and wrong its not even funny... first of all why?"

"Beause I like his music, though i dont know why, i cant understand half of what he sings"

"dont you mean whines, am sorry I dont do chalk board teen pop sensation"

"but its good chalk board whiny teen, i tolarate you dont i, its practically the same when you talk" she pouts and he looks away getting irritated.

"a few hours ago you didn't even know him, and lay off the _voice _remember who pays for your creepy chappy obsession"

Rukia folds her arms, "but i do now, you know how i get with cute things, look at his picture, see the video dedicated to that hair flippy thingy he does, every one likes him!"

_yah everyone with a brain capacity of a zero... this is worse than that vampire shit!_

"not every one" he points out, " only you and Karin, but think of the bigger picture, even Ni sama likes him!", "when did you have the time to find out that!" Ichigo says scowling "idiot we twit each other sometimes and he follows the Dweber fever... _remember _bigger picture"

"which is what, let me remind you that i dont do whiny sappy girly music set to elaborately annoying dance routines and lyricy declarations of being totaly whipped by some chick or being dumped by some chick or doing the dumping or whatever" Ichigo winces, like in pain just fom the thought of it, he'd rather listen to Keigo talk about his imaginary run in's with girls. On second thought... nah!

Rukia wants to point out that isn't that the same as the music he listens to just set at a pace which involves heavy guiter strumming and complicated riffs, accompained by minor bouts of screaming and rebellion, and often with elaborately set head banging up and down, down and up. Air guitar, side to side.

"which is _that_, I can easily fake a cry to which your father will ask what's wrong and i will tell him about his sons _incompetance_ in pleasing a lady. You know it will work." she grins evily imitating the devil her self. Ichigo has the decency to shudder, " how come am the only person sane enough to see right through her badly acted, evil, goody goody performance? I mean come on!" he mutters darkly.

Rukia clicks on the _'buy a dweber tick_et' icon and charges them to Ichigos credit, partly for that comment about her chappy obsession being creepy, mostly just for the hell of it...

***somewhere over the pacific ocean***

"Yes! my full proof plan on world domination is coming quite nicely, Dweberly I say, because after all I am a genius... _note to self, call T-Pain on speed dial for more talk on the collaboration cd, am thinking My world My universe _..." mwahahahahahahahahahahaahahah*_coughs_* hahahahahahaha ha *_clears throat_* "note to self no more fantastical bouts of evil laughter" after all he has to save his voice for more recordings of his sweet nasaly evil hypnotsing music that seduces masses alike, literally.

"martin!' he calls all those underneath his feet like that, you know with a _cap_ital letter beginning, if you noticed... because they do not deseve such a privilage... four words, five syllubles, _my un_iverse, _my rules_, hahahahaha.

One of his hair stylists enters the cabin, "you know what to do, where are the others! i called you all five minutes ago, chris, sara, whats is face! I can't only have my leftside looking fabulous, these bangs arent na_tura_l! it takes a precise si_cen_ce to get them to flip the way they do, get them here right this instant"

_*Right this instant*_; all four enter, armed with fine toothed combs and spary...

"ah ah uh, you are one second late, 50 second dance session as punsiment... and 1_, 2 ,2_ ,1, 3..."

*_50 secs later_*. The four begin to painstakingly run the combs in a slow presice manner in their designated sections.

One hour, thirty minutes later, they have landed in karakura and yes the stylists are still combing his head, every step of the way or rather every wheel of the way, see Dustin is on a scouter in his hotel suite, and they have to roll with him, on foot. After all those legs have to be saved for cheesy over done, clicher, seen a gazillion times, choreographed dance moves, because really there are only so many ways you can j_er_k*, which is not much.

It is rather quiet as no psycho fans are hounding him, they are too busy chasing after Dstin Dweber 2.0 as he accidentaly on purpose lioters around the city in conveniant spots where paparazi are known to be located, the posse is with original is ploting his ub plot plot to take over karakura and is intiating phase 3 of the look; Dweberliousness; which looks better, the right side flick with the grey shirt and purple manly high tops or the left side flick with the green peace sign converse and skinner than skinny skinny jeans, with a trash bag material black bomber he stole from lady blah blah at last weeks award ceremony after party...

**_Read and review! please!_**

**_at the request of a reader, am making the story ichiruki, of course it was already headed in that direction..._**

**Authors note**: i do not own any famaliar characterizations or people such as the mentioned, lady blah blah, vampires, t-pain,twitter, britney, justin beiber, or their jerking dance moves...

i really dont have a problem with justin beiber, i actually like him, kinda, its just that he made this to easy for me, i couldn't resist

i dont own bleach, sadly...

oh and pls forgive the spelling errors the shit word 07 program screwed me over i had to work on wordpad.


	2. part two

_Ohh wooaah Ohh wooaah Ohh wooaah You know you love me, I know you care Just shout whenever, _

"**Ichigo**!"

_And I'll be there You are my love…_

"Well what do you think?" Rukia asks as she spins a bit to show off her outfit, a dustin dweber face t-shirt, you know the weird ones where the psycho's are able to kiss his face and they do... yah, its in black and she is also wearing a red long sleeved undershirt paired up with dark grey skinny jeans, Ichigo's old an' batted white converse from when he was like 11, she remixed them by drawing chappy on them of course.

"You look a like poster girl for dweber heads everywhere, congratulations" he drawls, bored and very irritated. Ichigo figures its bad enough he's even going to that crap fest, now he is gonna have to beat up the desperate ones that lurk like predator's at such things, looking to act as a 'shoulder to cry on' for the girls who get rejected, fucking perverts. She puts a newsboy hat on, Ichigo groans, its white and she looks terribly cute in it.

f_uckin_g perverts _in_deed!

"Then mission accomplished, tickets?" she holds out her hand, "don't you have them I distinctly recall you ordering them online yesterday, ne?"

"No I gave them to you this morning, right before my shower"

"Then after _mine_ I gave them back to you, you were with the laundry basket,"

"I couldn't have taken them, my hands were occupied!"

"I told you I placed them on top of the pile, and you nodded back"

"I was distracted, I didn't hear what you were ... shit!"

"you idiot, an whose fault is that!"

"yours, genius, you an your stupid self, the tickets they... shit shit shit, shit and a half, I went straight to the basement to do the laundry, the tickets are probably half way gone to being mush, shit again"

"well look at that you washed them away, guess that means-"

"Ichigo, you did this on purpose you _gol_d fish, didn't you" she manages to pull back his hand twisting it and making him kneel, Ichigo visibly winces

"Ouch! no you idiot, ouch you did this all on your own" Rukia sardonically twists some more

"Humph! well, I guess we will just have to buy replacements then"

"Baka, the ones sold today are like 200 dollars where the hell are you going to get that kinda money at this hour,"

"I have my sources" she lets an evil grin slip onto her mouth, a distinct echoing of laughter howls in the background

"beeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"

"ah ah ah ah staying aliveee staying aliveeeee, ah ah ah ah staying aaaaaaliiivvvvveeeeeeeeeeeee aliveeeeeeeeeeeee"

"hollow!"

"you nimrod , I told you to get rid of that ringtone..."

*_somewhere in the bed room, the bathroom_*

"Ha ha ha... no that doesn't sound quite right, maybe if I... HAAAA HA hAAAA HA... ehh, how Mandork from Dexter's laboratory, even am not that off my rocker, if u know what I mean." He stared right ahead, his eyes glazing over as if he was enchanted by Madonna's vision herself, [not that Madonna people, sheesh read a little mythology now an' then, che]

he held his hand out delicately tracing over the image, the reflection of himself mimicking his movement,

_ah look at me,_

_that hair,_

_that disarming smile,_

_i dont need to take candy from babies, with a face like my, hm, they willingly give it to me, even the greediest of babies,_

_except maybe my cousin Elma that devil, che I thought I was evil... anyway,_

_those eyebrows, wooo, *does that eyebrow switchy thing, u know the one...*_

_that zit,_

_my tee-_

_that zit, where the hell did that come from!_

"ehehhhhhhhh, ewwwwwwwww, i did not sign up for this, what the hell, dude? I am a teen pop sensation, I thought I left such problems for goood when I left small town Canada! This was not in the evil magical guide thing thingy, ahahahahahh... okay think, think, magic spell vanishing spell, ah that will do it, fuck this shit... enanie meanie mynie mo, I see a zit that should go? wat the... uhhhh puuuuffff... *_crickets criketing_?* uh... abra cadabra!

"thought so... auntie bettty this shit u gave me isn't working! what kind of a freaking witch are u shit, no wonder my mom thinks u are an-"

"oh quite your whining you brat! Am here! am here; shit, the things I put up with to meet celebs, I don't need this-"

"oh yah abandon me now, lets see you meet *_loud disturbing noise_*, if it wasn't for me huh, huh, "

she shots him a glare, "thought so, now get rid of this thing, make it quick, I have a concert to perform at, not that u'd understand"

auntie Betty swoops up her wand, its red, with…ya fuck it! it looks like a stick, a red stick,

actually more twig than stick... " brat, if i was 5 years younger-"

"5? ur like 50, try 35 years younger, maybe, _maybe_, if u had access to the most ingenious plastic surgeon, maybe, maybe and then some, u'd have what I have now. Lucky me the nut job in my family *audience rolls their eyes, an she's the nut job! che* is a powerful, practicing witch"

Aunt Betty attempts to pretend suffocate the air around his neck as he pokes his pimple.

"Anyway, I still don' get why u don' just zap it away I didn't give u those powers for nothing kid."

Dustin tenses, then flicks his hair, he's relaxed now. He still cant believe such an easy task was so hard to perform, damn zit, ah hell, he need to punish some one, something... to bad his crew were on break, he couldn't force them could he? Nah, trade union shit, he didn't want to get sued for mistreatment right?

Hmmm, fred told him Germany apparently haven't been exposed to Dweber Fever cuz You know, its all bout David Hasselhoff there ne?

ah duh

So what does the Dweber do? He sends a special package a la dash, you know how fast they are... of his memoirs, chronicling him through his 16 years of life here on earth not counting his days in hell seeing as he may be the spawn of Satan himself, no not him, this **is** a bleach fanfic after all... -the spawn of Aizen.

it also has a bonus track from his brief work with Sir Mixalot, dedicating his love of big butted women, can anyone say,

_i like big butted honeys i cant woahhh i cant liiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Baby, _

_am yours, you got that enie meanie though it aint meanie butt/ ya you got it baby, you got back..._

_thought so..._

_*Conveniently located near cyber cafe, which has a great distance from the park, though not so far that one cannot strategically hide until the moment for reveal, uh reveals itself*_

The figure senses them getting nearer, its only a matter of time. She giggles relentlessly, _fun fun so much fun_. Its just like the discovery channel; her, the mighty amazing predator stocking her weak, helpless prey.

Setting up a trap, she chants a few words, it's a kidou spell

_fun fun so much fun_

**_Disclaimer: i do not own any similarities to certain mentioned celebs, nor any songs i remix in this story to suit my sadist intentions_**

_so. dont. sue. u will get nothing. _

_i like life and i like reviews... so thank you for taking precious time to read this. it means a lot._

_oh can i just say this one thing. *do the happy dance yah bitchs*! rukia is back yeahhhhh sori this is a spoiler for bleach422, omg i just peed in my pants finally! sweet jesus i missed u oh rukia now u and ichigo can hav mini ichiruki babies together where they will roam free in my mind as am dreaming right now! oh ichigo, did u see how fast she ran to him huh huh? am blinded by the epic awesome ness that is ichiruki_

_thank you KUBO... ha i rhyme _


End file.
